Buenos dias mi gente chismosa! Es friYAYYYY! Yuuupiii! Lo logramos, another work week coming to an end. Mine ended early as I had today off to stay home with mi chamaca, porque mi suegro just had surgery ayer and needs time to recover before this toddler returns to rule their casa. We started our day with errands, Loblaws for some groceries and then my fav, Costco! Jajaja Such. A. Mama. Ya se, ya se – pero enserio, you find everything you need Y MAS at Costco. Love that place, mi esposo not so much jaja. Tipico. Pero bueno, asi es. We had lunch, play time and now nap time – for mi chamaca, not me. I would have, pero I was on el Feis (Facebook) and a memory popped up. A memory of fear, major anxiety, worry, trauma, – pero al mismo tiempo, of love, support, faith, prayer, gratefulness and surrendering. Asi que, I had to come write. Pues, grab your kleenex instead of un esnack, porque this one may bring our those lagrimas. Vamos a chismear!
“It takes a village” to raise chamacos. I had to learn this lesson twice over, during two terrifying events con mis chamacos. Digo I learned it twice over, porque obviamente the first time wasn’t enough jajaja. I really thought at that point in time, I could do it all. I could be the mama, the house keeper, the grocery shopper, the doctor, the nurse, the wife, the amiga, the dog walker, the laundry master, the teacher, and I wanted to be. I wanted to do it all, and do it all by myself. Porque? No se, la verdad. Supongo I had too much pride, I didn’t want to seem weak for asking for help, I wanted to know that I could do it all and at my best, I was used to already doing most of it on my own so what’s a few more things?
Overwhelming, that’s what it is. Mi esposo would offer to help, encourage me to go do my own thing, pero nope. Nah, porque? I got this. And I got that too, oh and that, don’t touch that, I’m doing that too. Jajaja. Asi que, I’m sure Dios, mi epsoso, mi familia were all like, this mama needs to learn how to let go. Pero como? Well, let me tell you.
September 6, 2017. Another regular day for this Mat leave (at the time) mama of two. Javi was 2 years old y Mireya was 5 months. I had been thinking about weaning her off of breastfeeding, because I wasn’t producing enough leche to keep up with my cachetoncita, jejeje, she liked to eat. I had already purchased some formula, which was the same brand she had when she was born, until my leche had come in. Similac. *and now my chest gets tight because it’s still hard to talk about to this day. Inhala, Exhala* It was about to be nap time, so I got Javi cozied up en su cama and then I decided I would attempt the formula, see how she takes to it. *Inhala, Exhala* She drank it. TODA. Pues, that was easy. Down for a nap, we all napped.
Una hora despues, Mireya wakes up and I think to myself, nooooo, that was so short!! Duermete de nuevo! Pleaaaaseeee. Pero, when I looked at her, I knew something was wrong. I brought her to my room to change her pamper, and noticed she was all blotchy from head to toe. These red patches, pero de donde? I hadn’t changed the laundry detergent, I hadn’t used any new lotions or soaps, pero que es esto? I facetimed mi suegra, as she is a nurse and by the time we got to talking and I showed her, the patches had all clumped together and she was just completely red. Mi suegra said, she’s having a reaction go to the hospital.
Okay, freaking out now. I have both chamacos by myself, Mireya is having a reaction its getting worse by the minute y Javi is still napping – que hago?! That adrenaline rush is beyond in times like these. I woke Javi up, carried them both out to the car and drove to the hospital (we live 3 minutes away). Called mi esposo once we were there, and mis suegros met us there so they could take Javi home. Ironically, mi esposo was doing the annual school safety workshop, which addresses emergency situations just like this one.
At this point, Mireya was purple. No estoy exagerando. They gave her Benadryl, made us wait 45 minutes, pero she was still the same. The doctor encouraged me to go home and let her rest while her body let this subside. Did your boca just fall to the ground? Because mine did too. I was not going anywhere, ni a la pinche esquina with my chamaca still purple. “But it’s not getting any worse, the reaction has reached it’s point” said the Doctor – and I said “Well it’s clearly not improving either, and I don’t feel comfortable taking mi chamaca home under these conditions, unless you can guarantee she will be fine.” “Well, I can’t” “Well, then I guess we’re not going home are we? – I want to see a paediatrician for her.” This doctor ya me tenia hasta la madre. Like are you kidding me? Take her home? she looks like an oversized eggplant. Dios mio. You go home, doctor. Jaja, Needless to say, mi esposo just crossed his arms and stepped aside as if saying “you’re on your own now, doctor, you don’t even know what’s coming.” Jajaja.
This doctor tried to deny me access to a paediatrician. She said they’re only for admitted patients and she didn’t see grounds to admit Mireya. UHHHHH no soy doctora, pero like anyone who saw her knew she needed help. The nurses, and probably the entire waiting room, could overhear me getting upset and demanding more resources at this point. Le dije, if I don’t see a paediatrician here, I will call an ambulance from your own facility to take us to Toronto’s Sick Kids Hospital downtown. Let me know which paediatrician I will be seeing, please. Aqui, o alla?!
The nurse went to call the paediatrician and she arrived within 5 minutes. As soon as she saw Mireya, she called for an oral steriod, admitted her, and got us a private room for the night. ENSERIOOOOOO. Like wooooowwwww, ya se. Imaginate how I felt. Well, we passed the first doctor as we were guided to the admitted section with our private room, and you better believe I said something, “Thank you paediatrician for coming, we really appreciate your concern, help and support through this” to our paediatrician. Right. In. Front. Of. Her. Porque sabes, had this been a few years earlier, I would have cussed that doctor right off. Pero, I was getting the attention we needed and instead of bringing others even more down (I mean at this point she must have realised she was being a babosa) I decided to praise those who were actually making a positive impact. Igual, I hope that stung her a bit jajaja.
We stayed la noche. Nurses came in and out all throughout the night to check vitals and how Mireya was doing. She’s a poderosa one tho, my little guerrera. We were greeted the next morning by the entire team of paediatrics and their manager, to ensure we were receiving the help we needed and to extend an apology. I accepted it, pero I learned a lot ese dia.
I will forever protect mis chamacos from all that I can, and always, siempre, siempre, siempre trust myself when it comes to them. Por Dios gave them to me and made me their mama. Never second guess or doubt yourselves mama. No one knows your chamacos like you do. If you’re not sure, ask, and ask again and again. You are their voice and they need you. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel any which way about speaking up and being their mama. That’s your obligation and responsibility.
Now for the post-reaction guilt. It was my fault. I gave her the formula, because I wanted to wean her off of breastfeeding, because I wasn’t making enough milk to keep up, because I can’t, because I’m not a good enough mama anymore, and I gave it to her and I made her end up in the hospital. Sound logical? Pues claro que no. Pero that’s how I dealt with it. I became fearful, overly cautious, helicopter mama to the max when it came to her trying new things, which was todo el tiempo because she was only 5 months old and about to try everything under the sun and shove anything into her mouth. Perfecto. *eye roll*.
Cue severe anxiety disorder. Hola, bienven – yeah, right – more like vete a ver a donde. Jajaja, no pero enserio, that’s what triggered my anxiety. It was traumatic, she could have died. My one decision could have changed everything for the worst. Pero, it didn’t – and for that I am grateful and would gladly take on anything else, like anxiety, in turn.
I also learned that there will be situations in which I won’t be the one to help mis chamacos. I really can’t do TODO on my own. Pero creame that I will be echandole ganas in every area that I can. I give thanks to the paediatric team at the Markham Stouffville Hospital for their attention and care. I thank mi esposo for ditching work immediately and rushing over to us, and for always having my back. To our familia for their expertise in motherhood and nursing, always helping us out through these tough ones. Y our amigos, for all the kind words and prayers you said for us that day. Con mucho amor!!
*Click on the next blog post for Part 2!!