Buenas noches chismosos! I knew I could count on you for this post!! Jajaja If you didn’t participate in the “what do you want to read next?” poll on my IG story, pues ya valio … jajaja no te creas, pero that means you need to go follow my page on the ‘gram for updates on blog posts and fun “behind the scenes” stories.
As for hoy: allergic to pendejadas. One that I’ve been somewhat looking forward to writing, pero also dreading? No se porque, I guess, because well – who likes pendejadas anyways. So why waste time writing about them? Pues, porque si. Porque aqui, we can chisme about anything and everything – that’s the whole point. Tengo mi agua y Skinny Pop (obsessed), vamonos!
Para empezar, a definition of a pendejada: something or someone (pendeja/pendejo) that immediately makes you roll your eyes and let out an “ay, por favor”. Jaja, Enserio it means idiocy, nonsense, foolishness, absurd or a waste of time. We can experience many forms of pendejadas, like with relationships, situational and comments. Regardless, ALEJATE (stay away).
Everyone always says, “when you have chamacos, you will find out who your real amigos are”. Before having mis chamacos, I didn’t fully understand why that would make anything change. Digo, if you’re still you, and I’m still me – why would a cute lil babe change our friendship? Pues, it does. Porque a lot of things changed.
En primero, you mama, have changed. Your priorities are different, your routine is different, your weekend plans are different, your patience and tolerance is different, your flexibility is different, your conversation topics are different, and you mama, are now different. Different doesn’t mean wrong, bad, worse, – you have changed, and probably para el mejor.
Change doesn’t mean you’re a sell out, it doesn’t mean you’ve been living a lie, or that you’re being fake, or you think you’re this spicy mami hot tamale of a mama (I mean you probably are still, pero igual). You have changed porque you’re evolving, growing, learning and adapting to where your vida is taking you. Change is MUY BUENO.
En segundo, with change comes new energia. Energia is what you’re putting out into the universe, and no importa lo que sea – once it’s out in the universe, it will begin to attract more of that same energia. Think of it like a magnet: you put out mama mode, mama things will come to you. You put out puro pinche party mode, pues puro pinche party tendras. Jajaja. Nah, pero enserio, your energia is so important – the universe feeds off that, so no wonder once you’re a mama, everything mama starts to surround you. & those amigas that aren’t mamas yet, or are trying to become mamas, may not be down like they once were.
En tercero, CELOS (jealousy). This is HUGE. Yup, celos. Just like when you were a lil chamaca yourself, and your mama would tell you “ah, no te preocupes, ignoralas – they’re just jealous” pues, that right there – NUNCA SE ACABA (it never ends). This is one thing I was so naive about. I really thought, when I’m older this will stop, when I’m in univeristy this will stop, when I’m in my career this will stop, oh pues, for sure when I’m a mom this will stop. PUES NOPE! Claro, it’s not exactly igual, pero pretty dang close if you ask me.
When I had mis chamacos, I wouldn’t say I lost my amigos, pero things have definitely changed. Amigos who don’t have chamacos, don’t always fully understand why you’ve cancelled plans when your chamaco is suddenly sick, pero tu esposo can just stay home with them, or why you’ve had to say no to several events, porque the environment wasn’t chamaco-friendly or the time was too late, or why you’re “always complaining” about how tired and busy you are now. & when you’ve actually made it out, they question why you’re constantly checking your phone, porque you only talk about your chamaco and your familia – so they think you’re bragging, or why you’re not down for the round of tequilas – when really, all you can think about is how your left boob is gonna explode if you don’t get to the washroom in the next 2 minutes, to awkwardly pump in a stall while the chica next to you poops. Ay, Dios mio. Welcome to the ‘hood, Motherhood!! Jajaja.
I grew apart from a few amigos. Algunos I still talk to every now and then, algunos I have no idea who they are or what they’re doing anymore, and algunos, well, I can kindly say vete a la ching… jajajaja! & those, chismosos – are pendejadas. Nonsense, drama, pettiness. Asi que ADIOS!
A recent pendejada I experienced was a comadre break up. Picture that Simpson meme where Homer is slowly backing up into the bushes, tu sabes cual. I know this has happened to you too. You have an amiga, until it’s no longer convenient for them, when there is no longer benefit for them, there’s no more advantage on their end, when they’ve used all that they feel they’ve needed from you and moved on to their next “comadre”. That’s a pendejada situation.
I’m sure you’ve experienced one of these at some point in your life. You probably even sensed it from the beginning, questioned a few things, gave them the benefit of the doubt and let things slide. Pues que mensa, jajaja. Nah, pero enserio – it hurts. It’s hurtful to think that for months, even years, your friendship was solid to then questioning yourself of what you could have done wrong to make them suddenly ditch out on your vida.
These kinds of pendejadas always unravel the same way too: like a soft boy trying to break up with you without being the one to actually do the break up. Ay, pooooor faaaavoooorrrrr!! Primero, it’s the short, cold responses to your msgs. Despues, it’s the delayed responses from hours to days to weeks. Ooookaaaay? Y ahi sigue, the no more liking your posts en el IG or watching your story – while avoiding plans and no efforts towards making any! Sound familiar? Algo que te paso en HIGHSCHOOL!? Probably, pues maybe not the IG, it was probably facebook or MSN Messenger jaja (if you don’t know what MSN is, she’s too young for you bro!! jajajaja) Pero igual, es la misma pendejada.
Let’s say you did all the right things, como yo lo hice. You still messaged despite the lack of interest, you were patient and not pushy or demanding, you questioned a couple times out of concern and care, you still made an effort to make plans and reach out, you were still active towards their IG (porque let’s face it, it’s 2019 y la verdad es que este pinche IG stuff matters now okay?! jaja) Y you were still encouraging and supportive towards known struggles and challenges. ???????? Ya se, what you’re thinking, did you try just leaving it alone? Siiii, I even did that too. Verdad?! Enserio?!
Pues, I did. I waited for what seemed like forever to see if she’d ever reach out again. It took like a month, pero the issues were confronted. I got lame excuse after lame excuse and I caught her in so many lies, nothing was matching up and I ultimately couldn’t believe anything she was saying anymore. It felt like it had been a complete waste of my time, pero sabes que? It wasn’t. It turned out to be so valuable for me, porque fue como the trash was taking itself out. Girl, bye.
Aveces en esta vida, things don’t workout the way you thought they would, even when you think you’re doing all the right things. Aveces, people are only brought into your life for a short while, for a lesson, and you experience them and you move on. I really think that’s what this was para mi. Just because you bond over something so beautiful like motherhood, doesn’t mean it’s enough to hold it all together.
Como les dije, things change. I became a mother of two, other friendships were stronger and more fulfilling, I was really accepting and growing from my whole anxiety challenges – y la verdad, sometimes people don’t want to see you succeed. Lo importante is that you don’t let that bring you down. Celos will cause you to mistreat people who could have been a blessing to you. & eso, chismosos – was what happened here.
We can also have pendejada situations. Por ejemplo, judgement from other mamas. Did you conceive naturally? Which prenatal vitamins are you taking? Did you deliver naturally? Did you breastfeed? Do you do daycare? Did you do cloth diapers? Why didn’t you get the high tech, most expensive, newest edition of strollers? Do you make your own baby food? Ay, Dios mio – are you raising my chamaco or am I? It’s one thing to share information and stories to get to know one another, pero I’ve had random stranger mamas ask me those questions at a library or at a baby get together jajaja Te juro!! & I know you know the difference from someone inquiring out of genuine curiosity or to cause some pendejada. You can feel their energia and their salty looks as you try to gather all the stuff falling out your baby bag while your chamaco is crawling halfway across the floor and now you’re sweating and a boob is leaking porque esos pinches boob pads never stay in place! Jajaja. Ah, los buenos tiempos on Mat leave. None of that matters, lo que importa is that you’re there with your mini and you’re out of the casa! BE SUPPORTIVE. We. Just. Want. Adult. Conversation. Don’t ruin it! jaja There is no madre perfecta, except mine. Ni modo, ya paso jajaja.
Then there’s the pendejada comments. After having chamacos, there always seems to be the need to comment on how that mama looks. “You look great!” <– is the classic, safe, most commonly used comment – Y LO ODIO (I hate it). & I’ve probably also used it as well, so I apologise if this was towards one of you readers – I am WAY more conscious of it now jaja. Podemos aprender, chismosos – that’s lo importante. De todos modos, if you want to give someone a compliment, BE SPECIFIC. Point something out, an accessory, something they’re wearing, how they did their hair, how glowy or happy they look despite being awake all night (because you know they were).
“You look great” is like saying “I’m good” when someone asks como estas? Nobody is ever JUST good, y lo sabes, porque every time you answer with that response, you walk away saying how you REALLY feel in your head. Verdad que si? Pues si. Ya sabia. Ni me tienes que decir, soy una madre – lo se todo jajaja just kidding, that latina mama voice took over, perdon jaja. It’s SO true though. Y sabes what that mama is left thinking? “Do I really look great, or do I look great for being a new mama? Do I look great like before great or like this new great? Do I look great for just having given birth? Do I look great for not sleeping for like 2 meses? Too vague mamas. “You look great” sounds like a pity comment. Be specific.
The other top contender for pendejada comentarios is “you don’t even look like you had kids, you’re so skinny”. Como, que que?! Since when has it ever been a good idea to comment on someone’s weight? Oh, pero estas bien flaca, don’t take it like that! No, no, no – tu no sabes what someone may be going through even if they are thin. Not to say that everyone who is thin is going through something either – solo digo, they may naturally just be a thin person, como yo. Yup, I am 5’9 and I weigh 115lbs. I gave birth to two chamacos and that is my size. I am healthy, I eat anything from fast food to salads and chips and fruits and veggies, I sleep, I chase after los chamacos, I workout occasionally (I would like it to be more consistent pero ya tu sabes), y lo mas importante is that I am FELIZ.
When you are constantly hearing “you don’t even look like you had kids” es como decir that I don’t look like a mama. En primero, what is a mama supposed to look like?! Is there a level you reach where you just zap into this mama image? Eso es estupido. En segundo, I want to look like a mama, porque uhh hello? I AM a mama! & I love being a mama, and it took a lot of hard work to be a mama!
Those comentarios can eat you alive. I became really self conscious about my body for the PRIMERA VEZ in my ENTIRE vida. <– That’s real. I have always liked my body, I’ve embraced whatever small changes came my way, not much to be honest – hasta que I got pregnant. I loved my body during pregnancy, I got all those nice thick curves we stereotype Latinas for having jaja – pero after Mireya, it didn’t last. My boobs got smaller than they were pre-pregnancy, my curves had diminished and I lost all that baby weight in the blink of an eye. Ayyyy pobrecita, get some real problems, if that’s what you’re thinking then you couldn’t be more wrong.
That was my problem. I couldn’t maintain my weight anymore, I was so busy, my metabolism was already naturally really fast y ahora, I was also dealing with this new found love/hate relationship with anxiety. When your body is always in flight or fight mode, you are exerting so much more energia – so I would lose weight even faster. Esto fue muy dificil. Then add on the pendejada comments, I would cry and pray for that number on the scale to go up, for my clothes to just fit properly, to just look normal again, like me again.
Esto tambien pasara. This too shall pass. & it did. I’ve come to accept me for me again, this is a different me, pero aun soy yo. I’ve managed to get the anxiety under better control (I’ll explain how in another post), I’ve learned to let things go, pero also stand up for myself when I need to, and take the time to fall in love with me again.
There will always be some sort of pendejadas going on, pero it’s how you react that matters the most. Whether it’s an amiga turning into a pendeja, complete strangers bringing up pendejadas, or pendejada comentarios that bring you down – solo acuerdate that whatever la gente is putting out into the universe is a reflection of themselves, NO TU. Believe people the first time they show you who they are, aunque sea through their actions or words, believe them. You’ll be better off, mama – & so will I.
Pic from: @vivalabonita Go grab some gangster Latina merch on IG or http://www.vivalabonita.com – grab me a shirt too if you want! Jajaja, Much love mi gente chismosa!