Fuerza y coraje

Hola chimosos! Today was supposed to be a nice, warm Spring day – pero, aqui estamos still wearing un sueter, ugh. We’re ready for some sol and piel morena already!! If you’ve been keeping up with the blog, ya tu sabes that I visited una comadre who just had her second baby girl, and one of our son’s madrinas just had her baby boy. After spending time hearing about their pregnancies and deliveries, it really made me think about mine again. Asi que vamos a chismear sobre my adventures into becoming this mama poderosa! Acabo de comer picadillo and I’m still snacking on some tostitos, so maybe eat before you get into this read – because it will have all the feels. Vamos, que comienza el chisme!

My first pregnancy fue una sorpresa. I have shared this before, and it fast forwarded many things for us. We were only dating at the time, uyyyy el noviooo jaja, and found out we were expecting in early December of 2014. We had been dating for a year and half and had plans of moving in, getting engaged and married, and having chamacos one day, pero not that exact day! Jajaja. De todos modos, we were engaged over Navidad, moved in together shortly after New Year’s, and had a small civil marriage at city hall in Febrero of 2015.

Pregnancy was so exciting. La sorpresa of it all was already exciting, pero everything else was happening so fast and I wanted to be able to soak it all up too!! We were newly legally married, getting weekly updates on our lil babe, due in August and planning our big wedding for November. Ay ay ayyyyy! It was a lot.

First trimester I was SO sleepy and nauseous. The morning sickness had kicked in hard and I was napping everywhere and anywhere that I could. I remember even napping during recesses and the lunch hour on the carpet in my classroom, behind the bookshelf so nadie me viera. Jajaja. All I wanted to eat were cucumbers, green apples and crackers for the nausea. The nausea was horrible and the prenatal vitamins did not help that at all. I have the hardest time swallowing pills, asi que cada vez I would take them, I would be gagging all over the place ready to yak. Ay no, que feo.

Once I reached 10 weeks, the morning sickness subsided, gracias a Dios. At this point I also had found out about one of our close amigas expecting as well and she was 3 weeks ahead of me! From that point on, we were inseparable. Fue lo mejor, porque she would give me a heads up on what to expect next. Jajaja. At 12 weeks we announced to everyone and I was starting to show. A ese tiempo, I craved chocolate milk and toast all the time – ah, y hamburguesas from Hero. A los 20 semanas, we found out we were having a boy! Aun mejor, so was our amiga! Our boys would be boys… & that they are to this day.

Second trimester was my favorito! You’re showing, you’re glowing and you still have energia. Mi comadre and I started aqua pilates and aqua fit, as we heard it would help with labour and delivery. These classes were SO chistoso. We would waddle our way into the pool and struggle to keep afloat with our growing bumps. The pool noodle moves didn’t help us either jajaja. Pero igual, we went every week.

Second trimester was also when we found out of another bestie that was expecting too! No pos guuaauuuu, she was due in between us two mamas! Increible! Asi que, the 3 amigos crew originated. Jajaja, si, ella tambien was expecting a boy. This was also around the time I felt Javi’s first kicks and movements. The neatest feeling ever. Al principio you’re not sure if its just gas or el bebe? jajaja, pero you figure it out along the way. Ahora, I was able to smash a whole medium pizza by myself and a bag of doritos. Dieta a la Selena I called it. Yummmi.

A este tiempo, I had experienced a lot of new things. Pero, two of them I wasn’t expecting or prepared for. La primera, I experienced my first anxiety attack. I was driving on the 401 to go meet up with family amigos from Thunder Bay and I had just had a Bubble Tea (I also craved these). Caundo llegue, I felt my chest get tight, I was huffing and puffing (y no porque I was pregnant), I felt so light headed and dizzy – I thought for sure something was wrong with el bebe and I started panicking. We drove to a nearby hospital and I was admitted fairly quickly. Al momento que I heard Javi’s heartbeat, I was fine. Everything felt calm and normal again. I had no idea at the time that I had an anxiety attack, until 3 years later during a therapy session I delved into similar past experiences. Uuuufff. Lo bueno is, I didn’t experience another one until despues giving birth to Mireya.

El segundo unexpected experience was finding out I was not immune to Fifths Disease. Siendo Maestra, there’s siempre germs in the classrooms and la escuela. Let’s face it, chamacos are germ monsters. Pues por supuesto one of my students gets Fifths. If you’re not familiar with Fifths Disease (go google it jajaja), no pero, if you’re not immune, it can be very harmful even cause a miscarriage. I was immediately removed from my escuela and had to wait for a placement elsewhere. Te juro que almost every other escuela had it. Y ahora que? Pues, I got to go tag along con mi esposo to his escuela at the time jaja and we became colleagues for 2 meses. Fun times! All I did was sit in the French maestras room and watch her teach while I ate esnacks. Jajaja. Not to bad for what seemed to be a scary situation.

Third Trimester was belly bumpin’ central. Jajaja, ni tanto, I had only gained 24lbs in my whole first pregnancy, pero igual I felt huge. So pesado. Ademas, it was summer by then and I was siempre so so hot. Ice water became my bff and prenatal massages too. I still did all my aqua activities and was walking bastante. Ya en Julio, I was due in a handful of weeks. We had made so much progess: finished the school year, finished our prenatal and marriage classes, bought my wedding dress at 6 months pregnant jeje, had a couple baby showers – ahora, it’s game time. Focus on el bebe, or moreso, getting that bebe out.

I had always wanted and planned to deliver naturally. No medication, no epidural – nada. Todo el mundo told me otherwise though: “you won’t be able to handle the pain” “you don’t know pain like this” “you say that now” “just you wait and see” “you’ll regret that plan real quick” Pues ooookaaaay. Hasta mi mama said the same thing. Okaaaaay les dije. I knew in mi cabeza y mi corazon that I could do it – I was going to do it. Those last few weeks all I did was imagine the pain, picture the process and which strategies I would turn to, and focus on the outcome. Ademas, I was terrified of needles (yes, I have tattoos & yes, it’s different!)

August 13th, 2015 at 9pm. Mi cunado and his girlfriend were over and she rubbed my bump and said “ouuuuuuu you’re ready to pop!!” Como si sabia jaja, 3 hours later, my contractions started. Mi esposo said, nahhh just go back to sleep it’s only those braxton hicks (fake contractions). Uhhh no creo, pende… jajaja porque this hurts!! Yup, I was in labour.

3 drives to the hospital, hours of back rubs and clinching on to the bed rails, I was getting exhausted. La verdad, I really didn’t know this kind of pain or how to manage it. En la casa, I tried various strategies, como the ball, the on all 4’s position, the hot shower, the massages, walking – Pero ya despues like 10 hours, I was getting frustrated and fed up. Give me the epidural. Que que?! Mi esposo knew not to give in, the nurses knew what I had wished for – it was on the birth plan we wrote up. Mi esposo couldn’t bear to see me suffer any longer, he asked the nurses if we could get the epidural. Pues muy tarde, cabron jaja the surgeon for the epidural procedure was in the surgery room somewhere else, an hour wait they said. Asuuuu maadreeee!!

Lo bueno es que, within 2 minutes I went from 4cm to 8cm! Ay si, por fin!! I got transferred to the delivery room and we were all set up. Le dije al nurse, you better checame porque this bebe is coming out. Nahhhh me dice, I just checked you, you’re okay still, don’t push. Okaaaaaaay, I wait another minute or two – quien sabe la verdad felt like an hour to me. Checame, please! She checks, OMG ahi esta el bebe, get the doctor. No que no!? jajaja te estoy diciendo!!

20 minutes of pushing and a total of 17 hours later, bienvenido mi hijo precioso. Lo logre, I did it. We did it. Au natural, no epidural and no rips (sorry tmi) y Javier was born. Beyond bendecida. I felt like a superwoman, la verdad. On to las aventuras of breastfeeding, team no sleep, and that first numero 2, which feels like labour all over again (lo peor!!), and diapers – lots of diapers, para los dos. Jajaja.

November 2015 (3 months post partum) we celebrated our marriage by having the wedding we always imagine with all of our familia y amigos. The whole church wedding, with all the traditions, and the lit reception jajaja. I was still breastfeeding, so I didn’t drink and had to leave periodically to go feed Javi in a more comfortable space (plus I legit had to take my dress off every single time!). Pero, it was muy muy fun.

Fast forward some more to Javi’s first birthday and we had more than just that to celebrate. We were expecting otra vez!! This was planned, pero just as exciting! I remember thinking, I have to tell mis comadres porque I don’t want to do this one alone either! Jajaja. Al principio, they weren’t all that convinced, pero despues de 4 meses, guess who else was expecting with me?! Siiiiiii, we did it again jajaja, y ahora, we were having girls!! Honestamente, I don’t even know how that all worked out, pero it’s been the most amazing thing ever!

First trimester con la bebecita was rough. Morning sickness all over again, I was beyond cansada porque not only was I pregnant, I was back at work after Mat leave AND I had a toddler to come home to. Ay, Dios pero what was I thinking! Jaja. This nausea was lo peor. I thought the first pregnancy started out tough, pero esta was otra cosa. I was nauseous, todo el tiempo, and yaking all day. I would be driving to work and stopping on the side of the street, open my door and yak. I would be in the middle of teaching math and run to the garbage in my class and yak, I would be in a meeting with my principal and I would yak. Yak, yak, yak. Uuuuuffff.

A pesar de estar yaking all the time, I was also craving everything all the time jajaja. Regular ripple chips, hambueguesas (again), chinese food, and my worst craving which has lasted until today for some odd reason jajaja PIZZA POPS. Ay Dios, ni se la verdad. I ate so many pizza pops during this pregnancy that te juro when Mireya gets a cut, she will bleed tomato sauce and cheese. Jajaja.

I did much of the same stuff I did the first time around, como las clases de aqua fit y aqua pilates, pero I was just so much more tired. Javi is such an active boy and it was so exhausting after work to still have to cook and tend to Javi too. Lo bueno is that mi esposo helped me out a lot. He learned to cook some meals so I could have a break, he would give me massages on nights I didn’t have one booked, and siempre siempre go on a food run for me jajaja.

Second trimester, still yaking. Otra vez, I couldn’t take those prenatal vitamins as they made me so sick. Pero igual, la bebecita was healthy and growing as expected, so I was fine with that. Es mas dificil to remember all the details of this pregnancy, unlike el primero, porque I was so busy with Javi. We read a lot of books and watched shows on how to be a good Kuya (Tagalog word as a sign of respect towards males older than you, like a big brother). No creo que he really understood that another human was coming into our familia, pero he knew there was a bebecita in my pansita.

Third trimester, still yaking. Enserio?! Enserio. Jajaja I was put on medication for it, so it got better, pero if I missed even ONE of those pills it was game over. I was bigger this time around, pero solamente subi 27lbs during this pregnancy, which was great! Less to lose afterwards, jejeje. I was big, I was heavy, I was tired… I got a Doctor’s recommendation to go on sick leave before I was actually due. Gracias a Dios, porque I couldn’t do it anymore, there was so much pressure and I was already so sore. Como le hiba hacer when it came time to deliver?!

April 28, 2017 at 11pm, the contractions started. I was told by my OB to head straight to el hospital once I was 2 minutes apart, porque second bebes come faster. Okay, pues vamonos! We arrived to the labour and delivery ward, the nurses greeted us and immediately let me know she would order the epidural right away. Que que?! Yo no quiero esa madre jaja I told her that won’t be necessary, I was going to do this naturally. Me pregunto, “are you sure?!” Yup. Ahora muevete porque I need to walk this baby out.

I probably walked enough to get me all the way to the CN Tower jajaja Enserio, I did not stop walking. Cada contraction I was walking up and down the hallways, gripping the wall railings and breathing my lungs out. It was getting close y el doctor was prepped and ready. I was leaking blood everywhere jajaja sorry nurses! Everyone was so worried she would just fall out onto the floor. Jaja como creen! 8 minutes of pushing, no rips, y la bebesita Mireya was in mis brazos. Bendito Dios. This labour and delivery was much more memorable, porque I was more in control and knew what to expect.

A pesar of what everyone told me, “you won’t be able to do it”, yo sabia that I really wanted to, that I would try my best to and I wouldn’t give up. Obviamente, if circumstances had been different and I needed to have an epidural for a c-section or whatever else, I would have done lo que sea the doctor suggested. I would be lying to say that I wouldn’t had felt disappointed (then) if it had gone any other way, porque it was my plan, my vision and what I had imagined experiencing. Pero, I know now, that it really doesn’t matter how or when your bebe is born. Con que they’re safe and healthy and you’re safe and healthy – eso es lo que importa. Ademas, you learn by being a mama that it’s not always about what you envision, it’s about what’s meant to be and how you will make the most of it.

Los bebecitos are gifted to you by God. There is no other mama better for them than you, and He will see you through it all. Para todas las mamas poderosas, keep grinding it out even when others doubt you. Echale ganas, mujer. Si se puede!

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