Feliz viernes, mi gente!! Today has been ah-may-zing! Play Day & Familia BBQ night en la escuela, loving this weather y welcome to el fin!! I have been catching up with amigas y mis comadres, and we have had lots of discussion pop up about having 1 chamaco VS. 2 chamacos. We all had different experiencias and I think muchas mamas thinking about growing their familia question many of these common things, as well as experience them tambien. Vamos a chismsear about how I went from uno to dos chamacos and all the feels, routines, and emotional changes I went through. Just had unos nuggets y agua fresca por el calorsito y vamonos!
Siendo a mama of one little babe was SO much fun. I could nap when he napped, watch and chase after only one chamaco, packing up the baby bag was simple when it was for one, y tambien being a familia was so manageable: one on one or two on one. Cuando decidimos to try and have a second, we didn’t really think about all the small detalles that would quickly add up into tougher situaciones. It would still be one on one, one para mi and one para mi esposo. What’s to worry about?
Entonces, I was pregnant with bebe numero dos. Obviamente we were so excited and thrilled, y couldn’t wait for Javi to have a sibling. Despues de unas semanas, I started with the morning sickness. If you’ve read my previous posts, then ya tu sabes how BAD I had morning sickness, y no era only morning, it was afternoon, evening, night time, driving, teaching jaja no importaba the time or place, I was SO sick. This was my first experience of feeling FOMO (fear of missing out) with Javi. Pues, en verdad, I spent every second with Javi, asi que this was really hard for me. I was so tired and sick, I couldn’t be the mama I had been for his first year of vida. *cue in the mama guilt*
Javi a ese tiempo had just turned one and my pregnancy lasted 9 months. I missed out on a lot of his BEST age. Todo el mundo dice “omgsh, 1 year old to 2 years old is the best time with toddlers, they’re still baby-like but doing so many new things…” Yaaaaaa, hombre – I know, I’m missing out. I would lay in mi cama and listen to Javi play con su papa in the backyard, feeling so left out. Feeling like i was just this horrible mama now porque we wanted to have another bebe. I had to keep reminding myself that this bebe growing inside of me was for mi familia, not just for me. I had began a new journey of sacrificio.
Mi pansita was growing by the dia. So many simple tasks that I could once do with ease, had become such a struggle. Como helping Javi with his potty training, putting his little zapatos on, and getting down on the floor to play with him were things that would leave me breathless. I felt helpless. Lo bueno is that Javi knew I had a bebe inside of me and he would help me with cuddles, tummy rubs, y the “te amo”s. Estos gestures from this tiny human would fill me up with so much amor. Chamacos are really magical.
Cuando Mireya was born, more sacrifices came along. I was breastfeeding, I was tired, I was hungry, I was sore y I had little patience. Javi todavia was so young at 20 months old y ahi estaba on Mat Leave with a busy toddler and a needy newborn. Jajaja Can you feel my exhaustion? I wish I could have split in half to tend to both of them adequately, pero I couldn’t. Multitasking became the norm, y lo hicimos.
A common pregunta mamas ask is “how will I love another chamaco as much as this one?” “How will I share my time and love?” La verdad is that I don’t have a concrete, solid respuesta to that, other than you just do. Yo tambien thought of those questions, about how our relationships en la familia would change, if Javi would be jealous or even like the bebe, and funny enough I siempre wondered about everyone else being affected pero not myself.
We made a conscious esfuerzo to include Javi through every transition and tending to Mireya. Pero, there were just some things that he couldn’t help with porque he himself was too young. *cue in second stage of mom guilt* Otra vez, the FOMO feelings took over. Y creo for that reason, I decided even more strongly to keep los dos chamacos with me during my Mat Leave. Looking back ahora, I would have accepted more help (por los menos part time) either from mis suegros or finding a Pre-School sooner.
Managing both chamacos at such different ages fue muy dificil. Javi was an acitve, busy toddler who wanted to be afuera all the time. Mireya was a new born/infant y aun wasn’t able to play with Javi. I would get Javi settled with his food, or activity, or outside – while I then tended to Mireya with feedings, tummy time or in her swing. Despues, Javi would need something else, and once I had him set up otra vez, I would go back to Mireya. Back and forth, back and forth. Ademas, I’d put the laundry in, take them with me para el mandado (groceries), clean up la casa, and have dinner listo. Pues, by the time it was 4pm, mi esposo was coming home and I hadn’t changed, eaten, or rested – fue una locura.
Burn out. Eso es lo que paso, I was burning out. Fue demasiado. I was doing it all, pero I was nowhere on the priority list. If I did get dressed that day or head out con los chamacos, it was a rushed circus act. I always made sure everyone else was okay, los chamacos, la casa, mi esposo, even chica who we would take for walks. Pero, me? Busy as hell and struggling to keep it all together.
Algo tenia que cambiar. We didn’t realize how much I was doing on my own, porque I always had and it was totally manageable… with ONE bebe. Ahora con dos, it was not realistic. Mi esposo had to step up and help mas. Granted, he was working and did do some chores en la casa, and helped tremendously con los chamacos when he arrived en la casa, pero todo lo demas doubled with having Mireya.
La primera vez that he did the laundry, it took him 2 horas to put it all away. He didn’t know where any of it belonged, he was folding things that normally hang and vice versa, and he had to learn the closet sizing sections. Jajaja we laugh about it now, pero that was our big AH HA moment, where we realized que oye! This was a lot! And so time consuming! Ahora, he does the laundry like a pro. Jajaja, good training 😉
Enserio, so much had changed. As for how could I love another bebe as much as Javi? I didn’t in the beginning. Jaja Sounds mean, pero es la verdad. How can you love someone you just met as much as someone you’ve known for over a year? Toma tiempo. I loved her, pero differently. The amor grew and grew as we bonded, as she grew, as she met milestones, as she showed more of her personality, and as she started interacting with us. Y asi fue con Javi tambien, his love for her grew as she was able to interact more with him. Making the time for sibling bonding and learning about one another le ayudo. We would read libros, watch shows, and teach Javi how to care and love su hermanita.
Our other challenge fue having time for all of us. Yo quieria tener time to play and run around with Javi, as well as cuddle and coo at Mireya, or go on a date con mi esposo, and even have time para mi misma. Pero como? There was hardly enough time to just tend to everyone and everything. Igual, toma tiempo. I took time and many failed attempts. Pero lo importante was that we didn’t give up on it, and we still make an effort towards it all now.
Hay dias where we hangout as a familia, usually on the fines (weekends). Aveces, during the week we will do separate activities: one parent con un chamaco and we will make sure to switch chamaco the following time, is possible. We prioritize having date nights, aunque they’re still not as often we would like. Aceptamos that this is just a part of this stage in our familia life. Los chamacos are still so young, so dependent, y nos necesitan. Y la verdad, we wouldn’t want to miss any of it de todos modos. Te juro, we spend SO much time together as a familia and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Going from one chamaco to two chamacos is a transition. There will be growing pains, FOMO, and hard days. Pero above it all, there is so much more AMOR. Javi and Mireya have a bestie for all time, and we have dos chamacos who can care for us when we’re old and wrinkly jajaja No te preocupes about not being able to spend as much time with your first chamaco – you will. Even if it’s by watching them spend time with their sibling. Y eso will make your corazon explode in ways you couldn’t even imagine. Creeme.
*Pic IG @Sin.Faja & check out, www.sinfaja.com for some cute Latina merch!*